“Trading Up” on Received Wisdom
“To avoid looking directly at someone, focus on the bridge of their nose. They’ll never know you’re not looking right at them! And, in a full room, never look right at anyone! You’ll just get confused and lose your train of thought. Instead, look at the clock on the back wall, and you’ll be aware of the time as you speak.”
– Gertrude Rossbudget
High School Girls Basketball Coach
(1938 – 2004)
Such statements comprise our collective inherited wisdom – the “received interior woodwork” of our consciousness. Unexamined, practiced almost daily and failing miserably every time.
Of course I was “RIGHT” all along – doing exactly what I had been told, but upset about the nerves and confusion that seemed to persist and grow with every conversation or presentation. Each attempt at reaching – left me a little more withdrawn.
Yeah, Yeah! I hurt, but don’t challenge what I’ve been taught!
Imagine the fear, surprise and pleasure when (under pressure from my military Dad), I felt the nerves dissolve as I actually looked directly AT another human being. There was someone in there looking back – all curiosity, doubt and interest – at Me! Wow! This works!
Hey, wait a minute. What about that “Bridge of the Nose” thing?
Is it possible Trudy was Misguided? Misinformed? Wrong? But I liked her! And I was forced to consider that she might have been any and all of those things – or perhaps she was giving me all the advice I could handle at the time.
The Learning Challenge: We must be willing to “expand our view of what is true” – even the highly-valued admonitions we picked up in childhood from cherished teachers. “Moving our mind out of the past and into the present” forces us to re-evaluate our considered truths: Do they fit the Present or must they go on the shelf?
Eye Contact:
- Nothing else works in its absence.
- Linger long enough for an idea to change venue, then move on, leaving them hungry for the next visit.
- Purpose: To invite and engage everyone into the conversation.
- Good Eye Contact communicates everything in the speaker’s space. Be Careful – they’ll know what you’re thinking.
- Start at home, take it to the office, try it at the restaurant – you may actually get what you order.
- Notice that if you’re more present; everyone else shows up.
And don’t get hung up on the eyebrow thing.
(No actual High School Girls Basketball Coaches were harmed in the creation of this missive…)
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