Fusion = Alignment
Fusion = Alignment
“Our expression and our words never coincide, which is why the animals don’t understand us.”
— Malcolm de Chazal
Mauritian Writer, Painter, Poet
1902 – 1981
That observation is at the heart of what addles much of corporate, political and familial discourse: deceit.
We don’t mean what we say, and we don’t say what we really mean. It may be intentional; it may be motivated by fear of confessing our perceived weakness. But it sends two messages: one which we hope that people (or animals) believe; and the other; which is what we really feel or intend.
It’s interesting that people and animals can read both the spoken and the unspoken messages – some better, or more clearly – than others. So right off the bat it’s “Come Closer!” or “Go Away!”
Your feelings are obvious to that horse you hope to ride, but also to partner, friends and colleagues. So if you want your life to go smoothly at home, in the boardroom and out in the world with the beasts and the children, you’d probably be well advised to start getting your stuff together!
“What we say!” has to align with “What we actually believe!” And both have to align with “The Way We Convey the Message.” To put it in poetic terms, our messages, beliefs and behavior have got to be three things: Coherent, Consistent and Congruent.
Otherwise, nobody will understand us.
Applications
1. For You
You’ve probably noticed that when someone in public, in the media or in politics slows down, looks at you and enunciates carefully, you tend to be riveted, and to take them seriously. That’s the way it works. They’re committed to something, and their demeanor says so – dramatically. So if you want to be respected, even at the grocery store or at home, you have to get clear in your own mind about what you really believe, then slow down, look at your intended listener, say what you mean, slowly, clearly and succinctly. Your results will prove out this theory! Try it in the store, the cab or the class.
2. At Home
Life at home is usually lived “En Passant,” “In Furious Passing” or even worse, “In Disinterested Passing.” To counter the ennui of family life, sometimes you really have to make a nuisance of yourself and dominate their full attention. Hey, cats can do it! (See Facebook…) Why can’t you? But that cat is totally committed to dominating that moment. Unless you can emerge from your state of mild disinterest, you’ve no right to expect it of your counterparts.
3. At Work
It’s not that different than home… We’re busy, we’re bored, and we know that this particular interaction may not be life ending, or even threatening. So we only offer up part of our attention, and not all of our intention. We’re operating on partial truth, partial commitment and partial willingness to follow through… Is it any wonder that our careers sometimes slow down and meander to a stop? Get with it! Care! Then line up your eyes, words and thoughts and let the other guy know that!
A horse will ignore you — until you get your stuff together! Human beings are no different, just more polite. They’ll nod and pretend — even when they don’t care. So if you want to be understood, respected and obeyed, get Coherent, Consistent and Congruent!
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