Love the one you’re with…
While the Editorial Team enjoys a summer hiatus, we’re republishing past articles by popular demand…
“If you’re down and confused
And you don’t remember who you’re talking to
Concentration slips away
‘Cause your baby is so far away
Well there’s a rose in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you’re with!”
— Performed by Stephen Stills / Crosby Stills & Nash
Album: Stephen Stills
Songwriters: Clifton George Bailey, Stephen A. Stills
Publisher: Atlantic Records
Six thirty arrived on schedule this morning. I rolled over and reached for my stylus, glasses, iPhone and iPad. Then, back under the warm covers, I began with the news, email, and the next article… Thirty minutes later, in the throes of an office text exchange, I received a gentle but insistent physical nudge, which I pushed away… (Trading an immediate, intimate opportunity for a more distant electronic one… It occurs to me, that may have been a bad choice…)
The challenges posed by contemporary technology and social media are legion! Not the least of which is that we often find ourselves declaring our allegiance to a distant electronic distraction, over the person who is physically present and seeking a connection…
Of course, it’s a new world — and a pretty good one! (And if you try and take my toys away, you’ll have a fight on your hands!) So, this is not an either/or suggestion, but a simple consideration, which may subtly direct your future decisions…
Technology has erased the previously existing lines of demarcation between public and private, work and play, customer and friend, parent and child, teacher and student, working hours and non-working hours… Life has become one big twentyfoursevenLIVEoncamera full-on exposure! It’s comin’ at ya!
And the result? Upset, unfulfilled lovers. Perpetually dissatisfied clients. Ongoing failures of communication in important relationships. As the lines blur, it becomes harder to know precisely “where you stand.” Our parents, friends, children and professional connections are omnipresent, yet never fully available, because though they’re physically here, their minds are somewhere else… Perhaps defining the term: “Diffused Beingness…”
Aristotle told us that “Everything in life has a beginning, a middle and an end.” Yet the very nature of our “Always On!” culture, makes it impossible to have clear beginnings, distinct middles and definitive endings. This goes deep. If you haven’t a clear sense of this distinct, discrete moment with anyone else, you may find your own sense of self becoming a little down and confused.
It’s difficult and getting harder to summon the strength of will to make yourself always and everywhere fully present in the moment. But this is how it’s done: “Love the one you’re with!”
Applications
1. Individually
Maybe it’s a matter of degree: Those who are fully, physically present must get our full and un-diluted attention! Then, we decide (whether and how intensely) to connect by electronic media. (And there may be a hierarchy of media…) Finally, have you forgotten about things like visits, gifts, flowers and actual written correspondence?
2. At Home
Families test our resolve in communicating, by reading, watching TV, (or private media screens) or texting and/or phoning outside parties (sometimes all of the above…) while we’re attempting to actually conduct a conversation. (Hello Reality!) Here’s where your influence can be profound as a model of effective personal communication.
The Discipline:
- Impinge physically! Move slowly, inexorably, but gently into their space until they have no choice but to disconnect from the other stuff and focus on your incredibly firm and loving direct gaze.
- Tell them that you love them, and that this is really important.
- Remember, “It’s not about you. It’s about them.”
- If you’re having trouble, consider “Ready, Set, Go!®” (It works wonders in families…)
(Losing your temper is not allowed — unless it’s a tactic.)
Give the individuals in your family the experience of direct, intentional, focused, loving, personal, intimate communication; and provide them with a lifetime standard of comparison.
3. At Work
In a world where everyone is sleep deprived and ADHD, the individual who can both speak concisely and listen for the underlying reality (while maintaining genuine unbroken eye contact), is going to stand out big time! Great communication skills define great leaders! Consider the power of actually showing up!
It’s a tough world out there, and getting tougher! Don’t allow your attention or allegiance to be habitually pledged to those far away! When everyone is romancing someone elsewhere, “Love the one you’re with!”
Dessert:
Love the One You’re With by Crosby, Stills and Nash
Subscribe to our Newsletter
