Structured Listening
“Listen! Or your tongue will make you deaf.”
— Cherokee Proverb
It’s a random world! It seems there’s a flood of randomness in the universe just now, with things, feeds, channels, e-mails, tweets, Instagrams, messages, texts, documents and calls coming at you from all sides on all subjects. And you live in a random marketplace of ideas, all circulating in a great, invisible gyre.
“RANDOM!” Yeah, that says it all!
Given the state of affairs, you’re within your rights to be a “Random Listener.” Picking up a little of this, a little of that, as it pleases you. There’s that ultra-pleasant beep that tells you how important you are (to an anonymous caller). There’s the insistent ring that tells you your spouse is on the line, wanting help getting the kids at school. There’s the Boss’s Buzz on the Corporate Device in your bag. And, of course, there’s the vibrating stimulation of your Facebook “friends” weighing in on politics — all day long. If your devices are linked, then you get it on both your pocket and the screen.
It’s “random,” except that it’s insistent and omnipresent.
Does this state of affairs serve you? Or does it instead, thin-slice you across the entire universe?
What about adding a little control to the communication process? Drop that passive thing and add a little structure, so you can discover what you need to know to build messages and present services that will serve your clients/customers/colleagues, and stand a chance at being purchased?
“Structured Listening” takes the position that speaker and listener are sharing in an active, connected game, where each one wins only if the other goes away having accomplished something.
The Speaker has a million random things to say. The Listener has a million random interests. It’s to both their benefit to get things under control.
What if the Speaker begins by saying, “I could tell you a million random things, but I’d much rather talk only about what interests you.”
What if the Listener said, “I’m sure you’re brilliant and your company is great, but I only want to hear about A & B.”
There may be an alliance arrangement taking shape here. . .
Building a Directed Conversation requires a willingness on both sides to exchange roles, and stand in the other’s shoes for a time.
Listen! Or your tongue will make you deaf!
Applications
1. For You
Stop passively listening to everything that comes your way. Push back! Start actively telling people what you want to know, how you’d like them to lay it out for you, and how long they have! You’ll be surprised at how animated communication can become!
2. For the Family
A Directed Family Conversation: “Hi Jake! I was thinking maybe you could tell me about your favorite teacher and what you’ve been working on in her class lately. Then maybe you could tell me what you like about those hamburgers at the burger stop. Is it the salty part, the crispy part, the texture, the smell, the sauce? See, everyone gets flavor differently. What’s your button? While you’re doing that, I can make dinner.”
3. At Work
“First, I need to know about the project. What’s up? Then I want the details on new sales. Then we can dish on that new guy with the great hair. But after all the fun and games, I need to lay out our plans for next quarter. . . Or would you rather do it backwards and skip the ‘dish’?”
In a universe where nobody seems to be aware of (or truly interested in) their listener, audience, or counterpart, Directed Conversations are becoming more and more valuable — because they produce real business results!
Give yourself and your counterpart permission to stand in one another’s shoes.
Then be willing to “Steer with Structured Listening for a while,” . . . or your tongue will make you deaf!
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