Things Change
“People change and forget to tell each other.”
—Lillian Hellman
“He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity’s sun rise.”
—William Blake
“Let go or be dragged!”
—Zen Proverb
Ever had that experience? Someone you loved had slowly, imperceptibly changed over time and arrived at a place and a perspective that you hardly recognized? As if there was a stranger in your bed? A burglar in your bedroom? A different person pretending to be your mate, friend, sibling or classmate?
We tend to make a mistake in our approach to life: We look at the people we care about as unchanging, permanent, stable “fixtures” in our universe. We treat people as if they are part of the fixed physical universe — like they have been and always will be “there.” This may set us up for some disappointments.
People are not monuments. They grow. They mature and evolve. They Change — sometimes just for the fun of it. People are capricious and subject to their own whims and the effects of nature, time, pressure and happenstance. Things happen. Life happens. None of this is evidence of a hostile force. So you might be over-reacting just a little to the natural process of growth-in-action.
And by the way — it’s happening to you as well.
Be warned: everything you think is permanent, may not be… Everything is subject to change, maturation, growth, erosion. Everything. The rope swing in the backyard under the dogwood tree. The boat buoy in the lake. Your brother and sister. Mom and Dad. Your first love. Your best friend, wife, husband, mistress. The coffee shop on 59th street. That old LP record. The car. Your loyalties. The house. Your favorite purse. Your hair. Your politics.
How to cope? Deal with it!
It’s all in motion. Beautiful, ugly, sad or majestic; It’s creation at work.
Applications
1. Personally
Check your assumptions. Has anything changed in the last decade? Good/Bad? What is driving your decisions in this decade?
2. At Home
Has he changed? Has she evolved? Have you? How about those children? Are they still children? Parents becoming human, frail? Requiring more attention? Do you?
3. At Work
Is there a change in ownership? What about a change in the market, requiring a different strategy? Have the customers found a new favorite? Should your approach mature and evolve along with them? Should you still be working here?
It might help from time to time, to “check in” with your friends, family, colleagues, boss and loved ones. “Who are you today? Here’s where I find myself. Can we find each other and play?”
Everyone changes. It might be nice to tell each other…
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