Poised for Outrage
The Sales & Counselor Selling Series
“Don’t understand me so quickly!”
–Yul Brynner as Chris
in “The Magnificent Seven”
Have you noticed that people are “Poised for outrage”? Cutting you off halfway through a sentence? That they see you as “evil incarnate” before they’ve heard your entire premise? Especially when there’s an emotional charge in the air? There are lots of reasons: high-pressure circumstances, high speed technology and, of course, microwave popcorn.
Everything moves faster these days – faster than we can process. Because of this, we should take more time to fully consider our response. Shouldn’t it take longer to decide than it takes to read the message?
While we can connect quickly today, it still takes time to fully understand the intention of the sender. Comprehension requires actual consideration. I wonder if many of us are looking for confirmation of what we already believe, rather than a reasoned discussion of an issue.
There may be something deeper and perhaps darker here as well – the “magnetic desire for opposition.” Remember the elementary school magnets and the “field effect” where the two opposite poles would line up and snap together? Is there a similar effect in discourse? An individual makes a point, the field effect kicks in and people “click into opponency” while “understanding too quickly!” Nice, neat, immediate and probably incorrect. Too many “instant polar opposites” out there? So many “soul of evil” opponents…
We’re skeptical of any conclusion arrived at in seconds, or even minutes. Yet all over the public sphere, when people begin speaking, others “understand them as enemies” – in nanoseconds. Apparently, the universe abounds with “field effects.” It’s emotionally satisfying to be “Right!” while simultaneously making others “Wrong,” but this magnetic desire tends to overpower reason or thoughtful response.
We fail to take time to reflect and consider fully, not just what people are saying, but what they mean by it, and what their underlying intentions are. If we “understand the other side too quickly,” then allow the field effect to take over and place us into a neatly arranged opponency, we miss the chance to understand the depth of the other person’s reason and character. If we act too quickly, we might miss another person who has something to teach, a unique viewpoint or a gift of truthful perception.
Of course, we can find ourselves in the opposite situation – “clicking into instant support” before a complete thought has been expressed. Many times our friends and colleagues are likely to “gloss over” the nuances in our position. While they are quick to express their commitment, they may not have grasped what they are being loyal to – and this unqualified overwhelming support does a grave disservice to a true position.
Conclusions: Poised for Outrage? Poised for Agreement? Instantly jumping to conclusions that support our pre-existing beliefs. It’s built into the human condition. Only time and consideration allow us to penetrate the depth of an argument. Black or white are easy to perceive – and often fall victim to the field effect. Shades of grey and nuanced logic require a certain depth of discernment that only comes with time.
Applications
1. As an individual:
Resolve not to interrupt. “Listen the other person out.” Allow the urge to react to pass before responding.
2. As a family member:
Notice that in close emotional quarters, the field effect is always poised to position the other in an all too easy and all too satisfying position of “selected elected opponency.” Don’t buy it. “Listen your sister, mate or partner out” and then allow reason – and a loftier purpose – to work.
3. As a professional:
Recognize that a “perceived opponency or support” might be “artificial.” Take time to allow reason to work and suggest ways that both parties can win. We think that in corporate life, “slower is often better.”
Do everyone a service – hold out for the deep understanding. Few of us carry guns anymore, and this is no longer a western, but “Don’t understand me so quickly!” is still great advice.
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