Self-Important
The Sales & Counselor Selling Series
“The ‘I’ does not see itself. Among the Great Teachings, there is a surprising consensus that ‘self,’ is that which looks… the witness. So, not the ‘Self-Image,’ not the false construct of Ego, not the Voice in the Head keeping Score, but that quiet, insistent presence. It doesn’t speak, it bears witness…”
— Jennifer R. StJohn
One aspect of the speaking business is the ongoing challenge of mistaking yourself as the center of attention — of deeming yourself to be the focus point. After all, they’re looking at “you.”
It’s both seductive and “reasonable,” to the Ego. “I mean, I’m Carrying the Bag, right!? I’m Pretty Important here… Without Me, nobody discovers the point; nobody gets the message; I’m Here with the News!”
“Look at me. Everyone’s looking at me! I’m on stage. I’m the focus! I perform a valuable service! I’m licensed, certified, titled, well-schooled, well dressed, well educated, well bred, and well intentioned! How does it get better than that? Look at all these cool tools, all this impressive technology, witness this superb demonstration of the Art of Elocution.”
I’m really cool! N’est–ce pas??
Well, you’re OK, but for that immense mirror you’re carrying around on your back. Oh, and the fact that you want the client to hold it for you so you can catch your reflection as you adjust the dimple in your tie, or cock one toe forward so the onlookers can notice the particular shade of Red on those Louboutin soles. Pretty Important Stuff!
Or… Not.
There are more than a few public figures who take pains to point out just how cool they are, just how filled with style and elegance. How small are those who might deign to criticize them.
It’s been said that one definition of intelligence is the ability to distinguish between relative degrees of importance. This might be one of those times where it’s wise to make the distinction between the importance of the message vs. the relative importance of the messenger.
The Message:
Insurance: There are few things so important as to protect your family, and their financial well-being. I hope to share something with you that will help you with your planning. Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt to have a safety net to provide for your own well-being too, right?
Banking: Having money is one thing. Having access to it no matter what, is something else. We can be there for you around the clock, around the world. I hope to be the person you call when you need all of our resources!
Mutual Funds: Wouldn’t it be great if you could spend all your time on shepherding your investment portfolio through the ups and downs of the next twenty years? But of course, who has that time? Perhaps, we can help by taking some of the inherent risk out of the investment process. I represent a great brokerage company and a great investment management company. Allow me to make your choices easier…
Medicine: We are dealing with a life and death situation here. I believe we can find a donor heart and that a transplant can provide you with another forty years of productive life. I know it will be hard, but please try to be patient as we wait for the donor while being prepared to act instantly when an opportunity arises.
These messages are some of the most important ones people will ever hear. They will gain in both clarity and significance when delivered by someone who takes the role seriously, and doesn’t insert themselves in between message and listener.
And the Messenger?
Well, we are — all of us — interchangeable and disposable.
It’s the Message friends, not the Messenger. Sure! You are important! But not more important than the message itself.
Keep your self in perspective, and your career (to say nothing of your life) has potential. Remember, the “I” cannot see itself… And that’s probably a good thing.
Applications
1. For You
When you work as a speaker, it’s easy to get lost in the polish, the package, and the appearance that distinguish “you.” But that’s all “Show.” The presentation just sets you up for the evaluation: Can you really help? That’s up to the listener! Job 1 is to be noticed. But the real job is to help!
2. At Home
“Because I said so!” is the Black Hole of parenting, and all children resent it. Because, perhaps it’s confusing the message with the messenger. Of course, someone has to be the parent, and that’s you; but what if each decision is also a teaching moment about ethics, one’s proper role and coaching? “Hey, I’m your parent, your fan and your coach, and the deal is, ‘Players Play and Coaches Coach!’ But Players don’t get to play if they don’t follow the coaches plan! What (my dear, spoiled child) if you are the least important person in this room right now?”
3. At Work
“The least important person in the room.” What a concept! I’m not saving a life. I’m not changing history. I’m not changing the world. But I am here for the single reason of being helpful to the work that goes on here, and this work is important. Being an especially talented storyteller might be useful. How can I help?
The “I” cannot see itself. But the Ego can, and does, and spends all its time looking in the mirror, attempting to make itself the center of attention. But you’ve got more important things to do. There’s great work waiting. And as you take on the great work, you become more and more important too!
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