Life is a Game
“The soft-minded man always fears change. He feels security in the status quo, and he has an almost morbid fear of the new. For him, the greatest pain is the pain of a new idea.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
Civil-Rights Leader
(1929 – 1968)
Recommended any good books lately? How about a great movie?
When a good book or movie (or training session…) resonates with you, the natural tendency is to share it. Wow, that was great… who else might enjoy it?! The central theme of the movie you just saw addresses an issue your friend has been grappling with and you can’t wait for him to see the movie – imagine the discussion you two will have! People like to share their discoveries with one another; these shared experiences engender lively discussions about new ideas and deepen their understanding of one another.
We suggest that life is a “game.” The point of the game is to grow – both yourself and others. Ideas are toys – instruments of play – we exchange them and bat them back and forth like kids on a playground. Playfulness, flexibility and openness allow an idea to be held up to the light for public consideration in “the spirit of play.” It’s the willingness to playfully consider other points of view that makes the game both rich and interesting.
So, what happens when you friend ignores your “must see” movie recommendation? Why are they resisting? Maybe they’re comfortable with what they know and anything new feels like a threat to their very carefully maintained status quo. New ideas can constitute a challenge to what they believe to be true in their own universe.
Sometimes people resist new ideas by shutting down… becoming defensive rather than inquisitive (“Movies are for entertainment – Hollywood can’t teach me anything!”). Other times they’re critical (“That idea will never work!”). There are those who readily accept any idea without examining it (“If you say it’s so!”) or the silent resister muttering under their breath (“Whatever!”).
Pursuing our game metaphor, the resister is the one in the group who looks pinched, defensive or guarded. Obviously, they have momentarily lost the “spirit of play” – the fundamental requirement for getting on the field. Winning is having the other guy say “Wow!” – Losing is refusing to engage. The winners are those who can “keep the ball in play” the longest. The losers are the ones who take their ball and go home.
How do we become open to new ideas? Instead of defense or outright rejection, consider discovering the intention behind the new idea. Communication is the answer. It begins with the spirit of play – the willingness to be touched by what the other person has to say, watching the movie, or reading the book, (or attending the training session) then contemplating the idea, and articulating it to make sure you’ve understood.
So, rather than resisting, we suggest being open to new ideas. Does this mean giving up your beliefs? Well… maybe or maybe not. Does it mean you have to agree? No. But, being closed to new ideas guarantees a limited perspective. Being open to a different viewpoint, there’s opportunity to grow and learn; the willingness to play the game enhances understanding… and everyone wins.
Applications
1. Personal
Has someone recommended a book or movie to you lately? What is holding you back? Maybe there’s a message they’re trying to share with you. Find out.
2. Home
When your kids have an idea, don’t shut them down. Hear them out. You might get a glimpse into their universe.
3. Work
Be open to others’ ideas and see things from their point of view. Are you making it safe for colleagues to question your ideas? Or are they “yessing” you to death? Elicit questions and feedback. Maybe you’ll learn a better way.
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” — Stephen R. Covey
New ideas aren’t always destructive or painful. A game played without exertion – or the occasional tackle and the potential for getting dirty isn’t really a game. Embrace the rough and tumble opportunity for learning and growth.
Go play!
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