Dry Cleaners, Shower Curtains & Existential Moments
I got to the dry cleaner late the other day near closing time, and as I walked to the door with that sinking feeling, he showed up at the front door to the store with my really important shirt in his hand. “Saw you coming,” he said, “thought you might need this tomorrow.” Wow!
I have come to realize that as much and as often as we think that this thing or that thing is THE thing in life, the reality is somewhat different. THIS INSTANT, NOW may actually be THE THING!
So what if, instead of constantly “husbanding our ‘scarce’ emotional resources only for clients” or “only for the big meeting,” or “only for that special dinner;” what if we realize that THIS MOMENT may be “the point” of our entire existence?
Pretend with me for a moment: If we treated every phone conversation that way, every conversation would be politer. If we treated every provider call that way, our providers would all be happier to hear from us.
We have this interesting way of “pulling a shower curtain” between different moments, people and experiences in our lives and “segmenting them by perceived relative importance’s.”
• “This visit isn’t that important” we think, “so I won’t worry about being on time.”
• “This phone call is just my wife, so I can afford to split my attention between her and my e-mail inbox.”
• “This visit is from one of my subordinates so I can afford to be curt and short with him, he hasn’t earned the right to my affection or consideration.”
• And “This visit is merely a prospective vendor. I can treat him with as little respect as the soda machine, for he means nothing to me.”
That mental shower curtain separates our scarce emotional resources, and husbands them for the people and circumstances we think are genuinely important.
What we may not be noticing — and can’t until we have the context of time — is that THIS might just be the point of the entire existence, and we miss out by not giving it our full attention — because our shower curtain got wrapped around our awareness or our compassion.
So maybe we’re actually here to counsel the dry cleaner. Maybe we’re here to provide an example to the butcher, or to help the banker present/communicate to his prospects/clients better. I’m not sure which of these existential moments is the “One” I’m here for, so I’m trying to treat all of them as if they are all “My Moment” and as a result, my list of “shining moments” is growing.
I’m thinking this has the makings of a lifestyle — and perhaps a purpose statement about how our treatment of all of our lines of connection and communication – in short – all of our moments and all of our connections should be treated as if they were all there is in the world – because of course they are in the moment, all there is!
And to take this further, what if we made no distinction about who we were talking to? We treat everyone at all times as if they are the President of the United States (or someone we respect more…)? What if everyone we spoke to received our full and complete attention and eye contact, with affection, compassion, full intention to understand and duplicate, and the benefit of the doubt we’d offer to our best client, best prospect or best counselee?
No moments of disdain and punishment for failure to understand instantly. No instant loss of temper with a loved one for looking like they might momentarily lose interest – and no loss of interest on our own part. No talking down to anyone, ever. No failure to “grant full right of existence” to anyone. No cutting people short. No being short or curt or sarcastic, or disdainful or harboring hidden standards and irrational expectations.
What if we treated everyone as if it were the first date and we really wanted to get the second?
Our clients would love us. Our suppliers would bend over backwards. Our loved ones would still love us (really). And our prospects would want to know “What’s going on here? How can we get in on the deal?” The dry cleaner might be happy to see us! And that “vendor” might dispense something more than a “canned product” because we’ve become his “Special Customer.”
There’s one other benefit to this approach. We can forever pull back that mental shower curtain and treat everyone the same. We no longer have to make all those pesky distinctions and keep all the stories straight. If everyone’s the same, and everyone deserves and gets our best, then life is simple, and those ‘scarce’ emotional resources might take us further down the road – to connect with more people – and make our journey more meaningful.
I think it’s worth it. Let’s give it a try.
Subscribe to our Newsletter
