Able to Listen
The Sales & Counselor SellingSM Series
Editor’s note:
This week, we begin our discussion of the Probing process… which starts with listening. When you’re able to listen and understand, both you and your client reap greater benefits. Our hope is that by using this process, you will become more powerful in your practice and deliver results for your clients. It’s a new way of thinking and we invite you to test the concepts we present both professionally and personally.
“The secret isn’t that you’re not being told. The secret is that you’re unable to listen.”
— Baba Ram Dass (1931 — 2019)
Formerly known as Professor Richard Alpert, PhD, Harvard (Psychology)
American Spiritual Teacher of the Hindu School — Student of Neem Karoli Baba
Co-Discoverer of LSD with Dr. Timothy Leary
Author of Be Here Now, Be Love Now, and Fierce Grace
Well, that puts the problem in a nutshell: as we need to become able to listen.
It begins with curiosity — especially about the person you might wish to address… Of course, you could simply walk into the room with no idea about the prospect’s circumstances. Worse, you could be totally disinterested. (As so many sellers/presenters appear to be…) But that wouldn’t make you a winner, or build a relationship…
So: Curiosity!… about the client, the prospect, the audience, the other guy.
“What’s that guy thinking? What does he know? What kind of a thinker is he? What sort of stuff compels his attention? Why would he go along with me on this? How can I make it a good idea, and HIS good idea?” Don’t simply wonder. Find out! When you know all that, it’s almost an unfair advantage.
Then, you must be able to pose a question, fall silent and concentrate. That doesn’t mean “remaining quiet while waiting to talk.” So, you pose the question, then “Fall Silent” — shutting down all the internal noise. (What time is my next appointment? How will I reach the on-ramp as I leave? Is there a restaurant between here and there? Haven’t I heard all this before? My toe itches!) Shut it down, by putting every particle of your attention on the other person — primarily on their eyes.
Now, does what he’s saying align with his expression? Does his behavior reflect interest, boredom, evasion, or actual commitment? And if he slows down or pauses, are you poised to jump in, or can you instead wait with him and get him to provide more information with a casual eyebrow raise? When he does stop, can you pause to let it sink in — honoring the disclosure? Can you then pick up the conversation by responding directly to what was posed? Or perhaps it goes deeper; can you question his perspective and get him to reveal more because you were so perceptive?
“Able to Listen” takes in a host of skills, falling silent, concentrating, falling silent, deep perception, curiosity, and interest. All are important. Yet, the most critical is this: the ability to instantly improvise a germane response when the opportunity comes.
“Improvisation” does not mean “making it up whole cloth,” but choosing and assembling modules “from the library” and dealing with questions on the fly as they come. If you’re confident in your composition and impromptu skill, you can actually listen to what he’s saying, rather than worrying about what you might say when he stops. If you’re not just sitting there silent, worried about what to say next — then you can be totally present — being here now! It’s the difference between a relaxed, interactive conversation and a mindless recitation of warmed-over goods.
An Ironic Reality: “One cannot become an accomplished listener unless or until one is already an accomplished speaker.”
Applications
1. Personally
Don’t go into situations married to your prepared remarks. Instead, plan to allow others to assume center stage. As you watch the ebb and flow, you can naturally control the discussion through your questions of the speaker and audience members. As the discussion dies down, you’ll have had time to improvise your remarks. Your improvised but well-crafted final remarks will set the discussion in everyone’s mind — as well as your reputation as a thoughtful Master of Discussion.
2. At Home
In some countries, the eldest speaks last, to reduce the pressure on younger members. After hearing all points of view, and with time to think about it, the elder can more easily influence what comes next. Might be worth a try at home.
3. At Work
The “juniors first” approach may also be a powerful addition to your business culture. Listening first can be good for you as a leader, and for you as a team member. Knowing the order of revelation makes things less of a mob and more deliberative…
If you wish to become a great Listener, Begin with Learning to Speak! Ironic! Able to Listen, depends on Able to Speak!
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