Command? or Comment?
“Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?”
Henry II played by Peter O’Toole
in Becket
It was a pointed comment made in a moment of rage.
It resulted in the death of Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury, the King’s Greatest Friend, and Arch Irritant.
King Henry II of England, voiced his upset with Becket in the company of a group of jealous, violent Knights who wasted no time sailing to England and galloping to Canterbury Cathedral to murder Becket, where he stood, unarmed, at his altar.
This was a moment unparalleled in theater, in cinema or in life (because it actually happened in the year 1170…); and it points out a familiar challenge to managers and leaders everywhere: “How can I get my team to accomplish just what I require, or order, and not run off and kill my best friend?”
To put that in English, we all need to be able to distinguish between an Executive Order — a Command!… and a mere Comment.
A Comment is an expression of interest, concern, curiosity, anger or desire — and it’s strictly personal — limited “to the internal person” of the leader. (After all, even Kings, Presidents and University Chancellors can have a bad day or find themselves envious of someone’s accomplishments, desiring an acquisition or lusting after their best friend’s wife.) We’re human. Who among us has not been guilty of giving voice to an emotion that we never intended to become real? That’s a Comment. (Sometimes followed swiftly with “Shit, did I actually say that out loud?”) And, a Comment (as in the case of our example) is often expressed in generalities and often, as a question…
A Command alternately, has Teeth! It’s not just a casual or even an angry expression. It’s the Real Thing! It’s usually given in an official location, in official language, with the official topspin and the completely sober and clear intention that it will indeed be carried out forthwith! (Many times, leaders will underscore the official language with a clear, concise, even curt re-statement in the vernacular, to make sure there’s no room for misunderstanding.)
Why all the fuss? This is small pudding, is it not? Well, unfortunately, No.
The higher you rise in organizations, the more you will discover how easily communication and (executive intention) go off-track through simple misunderstandings, or more sadly, through deliberate mis-intentions.
- Sometimes, you didn’t put it clearly enough, and your guys just didn’t understand. Shame on you! It’s your crisis. Let’s hope nobody is injured. You can learn from the experience, refine your language and the awareness of your team.
- Sometimes you were mouthing off, (as was Henry) and the team gets and acts on your true intention, even though the language was unclear. You may think you’re getting away with it… But the truth is, you’re responsible for whatever happens on your watch, so don’t cut corners by ever being unclear.
- Suppose you’re musing over a decision, hanging out in the break room… “I kind of like that new printer/copier system we were considering…” The following Monday you come to work and the guys are just finishing the installation of a brand new printer/copier system… Your extra-dedicated staffer mistook a comment for an Order/Command. (Shit, did I actually say that out loud???)
- Sometimes you were perfectly clear, but didn’t keep a copy, didn’t record the conversation, didn’t have someone else present, and your subordinate decides to cloud the issue (deliberately misunderstand) to put you in a bad political light. Those situations just get uglier the longer they drag on. The resolution usually turns on how well your organizational Leadership and the Board knows you… (Are you listening Ailes?) If they know you’re a prowler, no amount of denial will save you.
It ‘twas ever thus. People need to be sure of what you said, what you really intended, and whether they will get hung for following through…
Here’s the Protocol:
- Repeat the Command! Comments don’t bear up to repeating.
- Make sure you demonstrate Perfect Eye Contact.
- Say it again in Plain Language.
- Ask if they understand?
- Get them to tell you what they believe they are being asked to do…
- Have a transcription, notes, a recording or a witness.
- Follow Up. Again and Again.
Suppose you’re a good Knight, loyal to the King… What’s your duty? (Inscribe this where you can find it always…)
“To clearly understand (even duplicate the language…) not only what is requested, but what is actually intended by your senior.” Make this your compass for being a team player, and you’ll have a smoother career experience.
After all, you don’t want to murder the King’s best friend — by mistake…
Applications
1. For You
It’s not just in business… Make yourself not only heard, but understood; and never be afraid of extending that eye contact a little longer and getting a playback just to be sure. If you’re the junior, same is true. You never have to apologize for getting it straight.
2. At Home
Kids are the great Intentional Misunderstanders. Lousy eye contact, “conversing” with the ear buds in… The challenges are enormous! That’s why you have to be the mean parent from time to time, to verify receipt and understanding and compliance! And that means you’re cutting off the easy misunderstanding about getting home on time… The lives you save may be your kids.
3. At Work
Well, this is the original place where clarity is everything. There’s politics, there’s intrigue, there’s anger, jealousy, avarice and trickery — and that’s in the great companies… So make sure you’re clear, make sure they’re clear and get it documented — that won’t fix everything, but it goes a long way. Meanwhile, you’re establishing a reputation as a straight shooter…
This lesson is as old as time, but it can make your life and career just a little easier. Learn the difference between a Command and a Comment and you can be both a great King/Leader and a Knight/Team Mate!
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