Wait a Bit
“How many things would you not have said, had you simply waited a bit…?”
—J. R. StJohn
Evidence for the existence of our somewhat less-than-completely-rational tendencies predominate in our daily lives — often in the form of our habit of reacting to provocation rather than to pause, consider and later — respond.
One side of this equation is Reflex, “self-perpetuating” and often damaging to the genuine self and relations. The other side is Responsive, considered and calculated to enhance & optimize…
What? Well, there’s a voice in your head, right? OK. So, many times, under pressure, we instantly opt to give that inner voice an outer voice and simply blurt out whatever’s first in line. Reaction! “Self” Defense! Whatever that inner voice says, is what we reflexively, say out loud…
“Oh Dear!”
It’s not thought out at all. It doesn’t bode well for our relationships, and it doesn’t bear the mark of strategy or restraint…
“Oh Dear!” indeed.
“Wait a Bit.” So simple, yet so powerful as a tool to mollify upsets, to take control of off-track communication cycles, and to pause and re-establish control of one’s own over-the-top-emotions.
Think about some of your favorite teachers, speakers, leaders and communicators. Chances are, more than one of them got to you because they were “Masters of the Pause.” That speaker, you know the one…
They make a provocative statement, allow it to sink in for a moment, then, holding the eyes of the audience, they drag out the silence as the significance of what they just said sinks in… Then they make the argument one sentence at a time… allowing the ideas to take form and shape in the imagination of the listeners, deliberately introducing the next idea in the argument in a rhythmic, structured, controlled manner.
That’s difficult to accomplish in our instant reaction culture, where everyone has an opinion, and everyone has a keyboard and a platform… but the power of the pause is beyond price.
If you react and rush in to tweet, post, or speak, there’s no time to reflect… No time to consider thoughtfully before responding in the optimum way.
The seconds spent in reflection can pay dividends, not only in making thoughtful and reasonable responses, but also in keeping you from getting into a fire fight with your Legions of Evil Opposition. It costs you nothing to wait a bit. It can pay back in respect, consideration and reputation. You become known not as someone who “Jumps in to Speak First!”, but instead, as the individual who pauses, reflects and speaks the final word. Weighted with insight and patience, that final word can become your trademark.
Applications
1. Individually
Ever gotten in a firefight on Twitter? (Not that anything like that could ever happen…) Facebook? Email? Text? Or just hitting the bar after work…
How many things would you not have said if you had simply “Waited a Bit?”
So start now and become the careful communicator who waits for the heat to pass in a discussion before signing on in a deliberate, respectful and calm way to put the Period on the discussion. Isn’t that the place accorded to the most thoughtful?
2. At Home
Sometimes it’s hard at home to wait for it… The kids are full of themselves and the power of the iPhone. They take themselves pretty seriously because nobody has yet walked up and hit them for a disrespectful comment. But this, of all places, is where you can model the best lesson. Don’t speak first, or even second… Let it go on for a while, and let your emotions show themselves, come to a boil, and cool down before giving them voice… Then, with consideration for the others, lay out your position, evenly and coolly… Whether it’s online or in-person, that’s the “Signature” most worth having — and teaching.
3. At Work
It’s like the cast of a show — the Office. There’s the Hot Head, the Loud Mouth, the Pointed One, the Sarcastic One, the Bright Guy who can’t wait to get into it, the Authoritarian. But which one are you? Maybe there’s an opening for the Thoughtful One, who’s waited just a bit before wading in.
“Wait a bit!” Costs you nothing, but the investment in that “bit” can return big multiples everywhere in your life!
It’s Political Season! Can “Wait a Bit!” Find application as a strategy to preserve the peace for you, your family, or the office?
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