The Authentic Guest
Visiting a professor of Tai Chi, hoping not to break some ancient Taiwanese taboo, I decided to apologize in advance for any “ugly American” idiocy over lunch. “Excuse me Master, I want to be a good guest, and I’m very aware of just how foreign I might seem – all white hair, blue eyes and Yankee-ness. Aside from being from Mars, would you please tell me if I’m doing something off base and impolite?”
He lingered for a moment, contemplating his soup bowl, and then said, “Jennifer, a Taoist prefers an authentic guest.”
Wow. Forgiveness, permission and a lesson in one sentence.
Perhaps there’s a connection between the way I was thinking in Taiwan and the way many view the world of training. At issue, the desire to avoid embarrassment by not doing anything wrong. It appears that traditional training is founded on the desire to make people “look like good speakers by correcting bad habits” – a core intention – which we believe to be misguided, wasteful and destructive. At the risk of redundancy, it’s one thing to “look like“ a good speaker; quite another to actually be a good speaker.
Most training, with its concern about grinding away all the preexisting bad habits and producing a smooth, inoffensive exterior; manufactures a product that isn’t bad. Yet enforcing all the rules and backing people into a safe mold, produces an outcome that is not yet good and absolutely isn’t genuine. Such training yields a person without any obvious bad habits, who can talk for a while on a business subject while behaving in a bland, safe and normal manner. They will not offend anyone. So if your definition of good is “the Absence of Bad” then this is your ticket. But in reality, the absence of bad simply equates to ordinary. Attempting to become ordinary, average or safe doesn’t strike us as a great accomplishment. Such an individual, while safe and inoffensive, is still a loser.
We look at it this way: the combination of habits and behaviors someone brings to the platform are an expression of who they are, what they know, and how they see the world and their contribution to it. Telling them to stand differently only addresses the physical part of the equation. If you ask them what they intend to express – or accomplish – by speaking; you engage the whole being. As they start engaging fully, their posture improves, along with their language and eye contact. The bad stuff falls away as they connect body and spirit through mind. Fusion. Sure, we can contribute helpful learnings about structure, argumentation and the artful use of visual aids and props. But the real magic is when we get someone to be authentic. And authenticity (even without polish) wins! Winners are not known for their lack of badness, but for putting you in touch with their special, unusual and authentic worldview. Their goal – and ours – is not safety, but greatness.
So why “force” everyone into a three-box template? Fair question. (Of course, we suggest two, three or four…) But remember, we’re not saying you must, but that audiences seem to prefer lists of two, three or four… after that, they zone out. So what do you intend for them to do, what’s the best way to accomplish that with the audience of human beings at hand? Short, sweet, well structured and delivered with every ounce of creativity and desire you can muster! Don’t worry about offending! Concentrate on being an authentic guest, and you’ll win the day!
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