Success Reluctance

“Self-sabotage is like a game of mental tug-of-war. It is the conscious mind versus the subconscious mind where the subconscious mind always eventually wins.”

-Bo Bennett
American Businessman
(1972 – )

“Self-sabotage is when we say that we want something, then go about making sure it doesn’t happen!”

-Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
American Manager & Author

A computer has no mind to change.

So if a change is to be made, it will occur when a programmer determines that a change is in order, shuts down the computer, does an analysis, writes a new program, debugs it, installs it and starts the machine up again.

Consider a human being – a world of difference of course, but still a useful parallel.

A human being says to herself; “Hey, I keep having trouble in my life when it comes to men, or money or doing presentations at the office. “Being self-aware, our heroine considers her own programming, one belief (or sub-routine) at a time:

1. I know my material.
2. I shake when I stand up to speak.
3. I’m afraid of looking at the boss and the new analyst in my division.
4. I don’t deserve respect.
5. I honestly believe we can run things more efficiently, and the evidence bears me out.

A computer doesn’t evaluate, and then change its own programming; but a human being can – and MUST if things are to change.

So back to our heroine. She says, “I know I believe that I’m unworthy of respect from the new analyst, or a raise from the boss, but damn it, something’s gotta give. I’ve been hiding in the hallways, avoiding confronting these issues and this presentation for too long!” She summons her courage and enrolls in a presentation skills course, systematically studying and perfecting one aspect of the art at a time, even the seemingly “small time” issue of looking directly at men… She’s decided to change her mind.

Of course, she presents successfully, gets a promotion and meets a man. (Hey, I’m writing this story, OK?)

But what’s the point?

She succeeds because she changed her mind about something. She evaluated her beliefs – her programming” – and changed them. Beliefs may or may not be true, and they may or may not be working for you. Many people carry deeply held beliefs about their own undeserving or impure character, about the “rightness” of their failures, about the “correctness” of their lack of confidence. Their beliefs work against them – they are “programmed for failure.” It’s downright perverse that often, people are going down the tubes about something, while at the same time proclaiming how right they are on the subject… We call it “Success Reluctance.” What’s fascinating is that the self-defeating beliefs are often sitting there side-by-side with the winning beliefs, unnoticed and deadly, until the owner turns on the self-aware button, evaluates the programming and decides to change it.

(Consider certain celebrity nut cases – confident, cocksure even, yet not even a little bit self-aware… Their beliefs about themselves are powerful, and exactly wrong! Rather than change their minds, they continue down the self-serving path of blame, self-pity and the denial of personal responsibility.)

Applications:

1. Shouldn’t our beliefs work for us? Look around your life and ask yourself, “Which unnoticed beliefs of mine are contributing to the aspects of my life that are less than perfect? How can I begin to change my life by changing my beliefs about it?”

2. At home, what do you believe or think you know about your mate, your parents or your children? Which of those beliefs would benefit by a little self-aware examination?

3. At the office, is it possible that your colleagues are actually pulling for your success? Is your boss actually a servant manager, dedicated to your career – but burdened by your persistent self-criticism and negativity?

We love our work. Part of it is about teaching new skills. But the more interesting part is encouraging and assisting people as they do the delicate work of self-examination – deciding which beliefs are working and which demand a change. It’s subtle, it’s substantial, and a small change can have an enormous effect!

Gandhi said, “We must become the change we wish to see in the world!” Recognize that all change begins in your mind.

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