Hands, Pockets & the Limits of Rules
“Hell, there are no rules here, we are trying to accomplish something.”
Thomas Alva Edison
American inventor
(1847 – 1931)
“It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you’re young just so you’ll have the strength to break them when you’re old.”
-Mark Twain
U.S. humorist, writer and lecturer
(1835-1910)
Billy, nine years of age – is a collector. Lucky rabbit’s foot. Bronze coin from a European dictator. Frog. Picture of a lightning strike. Compass. Magnifier. Stuff gravitates to the Vortex in his pockets.
Today is Presentation Day. Ms. Mudgerly issues the “Summons to Front!” Billy’s a little discomfited, so the hands – seeking solace – reach for the collection and there he slumps – hands in pockets, pockets in pants – shoulders slightly askew in the forlorn quest for invisibility.
Then, the commands – landing like blows on the reluctant Billy; “Billy! Take your hands out of your pockets! Stand up straight! Shoulders back! Look at us! Smile! Relax! Now go ahead! What do you have to say?” Billy reaches for the bronze coin, fumbles for a second, and “Billy, I told you to keep your hands out of your pockets! Now, go ahead! Speak!” Frozen into a safe posture by the teacher’s well-intentioned commands, Billy survives the moment and internalizes the rule.
Flashback:
William, the new Analyst, is attending the obligatory Professor Elegance Vowel’s Presentation Skills Training Level Four program and has survived the first three centuries of dissertation on Collar Stays and the Roots of Western Civilization, when the Professor, waxing eloquent, pivots and – like lightning – levels his laser gaze upon the reluctant William: “OK Billy, step over here and face the class!” As the elderly Vowel adjusts his belt and shirt tuck, William, sensing a hint of more than fatherly interest, guardedly puts his hands in his pockets and “Billy, take your hands out of your pockets! The First of “Vowel’s Rules for Speakers” is “Never Put Your Hands in Your Pockets!” Now, focus on your first “Key Target Listener,” Relax and tell us about Counter Correlation and a Well Allocated Portfolio!” Time lurches on… William now understands the constraints of acceptable behavior for speakers. This is one of a thousand examples of how we’ve all had harsh encounters with the rules, which leave many of us a little chastened and careful. Has it happened to you?
Present Day:
Will, now a Department Head, has brought his team to Fusion. “Look,” he says, heaving a sigh and putting it out there, “We’ve had all the training, we’re experienced, and we know the rules, but we all look a little stiff when speaking and none of us enjoy it!” A little delicate probing unearths the shared Mudgerly/Vowel history and, with some persistence, “The Rules” are revealed in an atmosphere of rigid dudgeon.
“In our experience,” says the Fusion guy, “almost everyone has been bludgeoned by the Rules and Assaulted by Propriety – leaving us a little defensive and nervously self-conscious. While such rules protect us from failing as speakers, they do nothing to assure our success. They don’t make us unique, commanding or interesting. Something else – something greater is required.”
Let’s try this: grant yourself permission as an adult, to experiment. You most certainly have a signature already – we all do; but many of us include being stilted, tight and nervous with never a hand in a pocket – owing to a back alley encounter with Mudgerly/Vowel and company… We’ve become “limited by following the rules.” What if we start fresh and seek the underlying principles of speaking?
Principles:
* The purpose of a presentation is to reach the audience and achieve a result – not to avoid all inappropriate gestures. Being merely safe is nowhere close to being effective.
* Use gestures, voice modulation, movement, visuals and eye contact to underscore and add meaning to the key points of the presentation. Gestures are physical pictures – adding meaning to the content.
* If it looks well on you and doesn’t distract, have at it! Pockets included!
* Explore and experiment with your physical features and clothing style to build a repertoire of signature gestures and looks. Call it a Personal Signature.
* On your signature platform, build your unique presentation, and deliver it personally by looking at individuals long enough to allow the warmth of connection to make itself felt.
Working with permission and these principles as our compass, we can expand beyond the propriety of childhood into the adult, unique and professional signature that distinguishes us from the narrowly safe, and puts us in a class by ourselves.
Applications:
1. Personally: You know what? That suit looks great on you! Is there a roomy pocket? As long as there’s no frog in there, or a collection of keys and subway tokens; you might risk letting a hand come to rest there quietly from time to time… Permission Granted.
2. At Home: How many Mudgerlys, Vowels or their associates are there lurking in the basement of your history, or that of your mate or family? Their unseen influence can be a powerful brake on freedom, fun, experimentation or self-expression. Take some family time and exhume some of the rule mongers from the closet and enjoy a laugh together as you salute the rules and expand into adulthood.
3. In Business: Watch it! “Professional Training” is a dangerous hiding place for elementary rule mongers posing as consultants and trainers. Adult Learners need room to define, build and expand their uniqueness, not be reviled and prodded back into a stilted version of childhood propriety. Grow your team by revealing the guiding principles at the heart of the organization – then launch!
Hey Will, make sure the collection stays in the briefcase today, unless you want to show that bronze coin to your client during the presentation – he’s a collector too, looking for a professional advisor with substance, heart and style.
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