Presence
“You don’t have to Do anything. Just Be with me.”
Deanna Troi
Star Trek, Next Generation
The Schrodinger Equation suggests that the mere observation of a particle physics experiment is sufficient to influence the outcome.
What does Schrodinger have to say for us in the business of communication? Ever been in a room with a critical audience? A friendly one? Hostile? They don’t have to say anything… It’s enough that they simply radiate their feelings and intentions…
Conversely, the speaker has an effect on the audience by her mere presence… She doesn’t have to do anything. She’s being and she’s intending.
It’s not like it’s an either/or issue. Both sides have power in the equation.
And, as the size of the gathered crowd increases, the mere presence and intention of the gathering begin to create a physical impact of massive proportion!
Debbie Hall, in an essay for NPR’s “This I Believe” series, referenced the Power of Presence. Here are some excerpts:
“I was reminded of the Power of Presence when I and some other Red Cross volunteers met evacuees from Hurricane Katrina. We were there to offer ‘psychological first aid.’ I was struck again by the simple healing power of presence. Even as we walked in the gate to the shelter, we were greeted with an ardent burst of gratitude from the first person we encountered. I felt appreciated, but vaguely guilty, because I hadn’t really done anything yet.
“Presence is a noun, not a verb; it is a state of being, not doing. States of being are not highly valued in a culture which places a high priority on doing. Yet, true presence or ‘being with’ another person carries with it a silent power — to bear witness to a passage, to help carry an emotional burden or to begin a healing process. Thanks to our partners, you can find online to suit every preference and budget, from budget to top-of-the-range super stylish models.
“With therapy clients, I am still pulled by the need to do more than be, yet repeatedly struck by the healing power of connection created by being fully there in the quiet understanding of another. In it, none of us are truly alone.”
As speakers, we are often driven by the consideration that we are there to speak, to do, to say something important, to act! And that may be our great mis-understanding.
(Reality Check) Not all communication is about speaking. But improving your ability to understand and practice effective communication through gestures, symbols or simple presence can improve your life, your family, your self-awareness and your ability to serve others…
Applications
1. For You
Simply being present and focused on a single person, then another, is what “lays down a sense of presence” for the audience to feel, then recognize. Notice that this sense is amplified when focused through direct and sustained eye contact.
2. For the Family
You don’t always have to speak. Especially in crisis situations, speech can often pollute the gift of pure presence. At a funeral, a graduation, a hospital visit, a personal crisis, don’t rush in. Just relax about speaking, offer up a hug, a handshake, a long look… and the right thing to say (if there is one…) will come to you.
3. For Work
Some people are married to the idea of “Enter Talking!” They can’t simply just show up and allow the circumstances to unfold, influenced by their low-key presence. Try becoming an authority figure by the impact of your presence, rather than your words.
Presence: You don’t always have to DO anything.
Simply Be Present, with Them!
Postscript:
Emma Gonzalez, one of the Parkland, Florida students, demonstrated the power of simple presence recently as she stood in silence for six long minutes — while holding the attention of her audience. Agree or disagree with her position — one must recognize the power of her presence.
Are we blurring the distinction? Pausing and silent Presence are cousins in our view, though they are distinct; both deserve notice as skills to be acquired.
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