Hawkeye and Duke
“Fear, makes man unwise in the three great departments of human conduct: his dealings with nature, his dealings with other men, and his dealings with himself.”
-Bertrand Russell
British Philosopher
(1872 – 1970)
Friendship. Alliance. How do they begin? How do I create one or both at the beginning of my career? (Or at any time at all?) And… How to get beyond the fear???
It’s just this simple: Two people pause for a moment in the middle of a chaotic world and recognize that they have something in common — then decide to collaborate.
It might be easier to elaborate on all the reasons why alliances are not very common. We’re different of course… and we mostly concentrate on all the things which divide us — schedules, obligations, daily pressure, custom, social norms (“keep to the business at hand…”). Much of our lives are lived in contemporary but separate “pods.” Everyone keeps their hands in their pod and stays out of everyone else’s way. Nobody brushes up against anyone else. Nobody gets mussed… and no real connections are made. It’s nice, neat and orderly — but not very meaningful. We stay there because of custom, and…Fear. (Stay tuned for “Fear & the Envelope”…)
Our proposition is that the relationships that mean something in our lives are mostly the result of chance moments when the filmy imagined membranes of custom and fear which separate us are somehow breached by circumstance, chance or desperate intention and we are thrown together. Thank God for the moments we’re thrust into relationships by chance! But what a drag that we usually don’t reach out unless forced — because we’re afraid…
Here’s the big idea: The most successful of us are those who “manufacture the opportunities” to build friendships. The best of us are pretty good at “holding a glance” long enough for a conversation to break out. They’re not afraid to “observe and comment” on what may be indeed — obvious! Maybe they’re a little more hungry for contact. They reach without fear…
We suggest: Reaching out is a learnable skill…
Break out of the pod and see what happens.
Find Yourself. Find Others. Find Life!
Applications:
1. Personally:
From time to time, you find yourself in situations where you “view the action from inside your pod, looking out…” Maybe it’s the PTA or a community politics discussion. Look around. Someone may be watching the proceeding with an expression something like what you’re feeling. Sidle up to them, and enquire, “Does this look like the end of someone’s empire to you?” If they crack up, they may be a potential ally. Ask ’em.
2. At Home:
Every so often, a family member (niece, nephew, daughter, spouse) is “in a spot” and needs an ally, a coach, a friend. Trouble is, we’re family — therefore our opinions have no weight or validity. But if you step up gently, and enquire, “May I be your ally in this battle? Could you perhaps use a friendly coach?”; you may be surprised at the quick and favorable outcome.
3. At Work:
Hawkeye and Duke were in a war. So obviously, it was crazy. But work — for many of us — goes from battle to battle and sanity is often in short supply. Look around, find someone who sees it like you, and reach a little. It’s a cool thing to establish a friendship in the war zone.
Maybe one of the unrecognized gifts of life is that we get to live it together… But we have to break through our own barriers to discover the prize… ourselves, each other and Life.
Dessert: Opening of M.A.S.H.
by Richard Hooker © 1968
Perennial Press
“Henry”, Radar said, his ears aglow now from the activity; “has just got us two new cutters.” Thus it was that the personnel of the 4077th MASH learned that their number, and perhaps even their efficiency, would shortly be augmented. Thus it was that on a gray, raw morning ten days later at the 325th Evacuation Hospital in Yong-Dong-Po across the Han River from Seoul, Captains Augustus Bedford Forrest and Benjamin Franklin Pierce emerged from opposite ends of the Transient Officers Quarters, dragging themselves, each hauling a Valpac and dragging a barracks bag, toward a jeep deposited there for their use.
Captain Pierce was twenty eight years old, slightly over six feet tall and slightly stoop shouldered. Captain Forrest was a year older and more solid. He had pale blue eyes and a nose that had not quite been restored to its natural state after contact with a hard object.
“You the guy going to the 4077th?” asked Captain Pierce.
“I believe so.” Captain Forrest said.
“Then get in.” said Captain Pierce.
“Who drives?” asked Captain Forrest.
“Let’s choose.” said Captain Pierce — reaching into his Valpac and withdrawing a Louisville Slugger. “Toss!” he said. Captain Forrest lost.
“Sorry” said Captain Pierce, “Always use your own bat.”
They drove for a while, and Captain Forrest said, “What are y’all; some kind of nut?”
“It’s likely,” said Captain Pierce.
“My name’s Duke Forrest. Who are y’all?”
“Hawkeye Pierce.”
“Hawkeye! What the hell kind of name is that?”
“The only book my old man ever read was The Last of the Mohicans. Jesus! I need a drink!” They pulled over and over a shared pint they discovered that they had much in common…
“As to the C.O. up there,” Hawkeye said, “I think he’s a Regular Army guy, who’s married to the efficiency of his outfit. This Colonel Blake must have a problem or he wouldn’t have sent for us.”
“Right.” the Duke said.
“So my idea,” Hawkeye said, “is that we work like hell when there’s work; and try to outclass the other talent.”
“Right”, said the Duke.
“This,” Hawkeye said, “will give us enough leverage to write our own tickets the rest of the way.”
“Y’all know something Hawkeye?” said the Duke, “Y’all are a good man!”
“Alliance”: It’s just that simple.
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Absolutely great this week! I totally agree if more people would connect and reach out, this world would be a better place. Fear is a killer. Great Cornerstone – you teach it well.
Reminds me of the times when aunts and uncles seek out the children who need allies.