“Win/Win” Negotiating
“Always leave the man a place to stand.”
– J. E. Morrow
American Social Commentator
(1920 – 1996)
“Win/Win” Negotiating
It’s a dramatic testimony to the power of our “fixed price” culture (in department stores, malls, grocery stores, appliance shops and the service industry…) that in every case; there’s a tag or a caption that posts the price. And, (scary fact) many of us; most of the time — pay it without question… Perhaps complaining a little, but going ahead nonetheless… No haggle. No hondle. No argue. No discussion. Amazing. In a couple of generations, we’ve forgotten the bazaar, the souk, the town square, the vendor’s stall, and the rules of give-and-take which have for centuries characterized the fine art of reaching a price suitable to both parties.
It’s convenient, sure. But imagine the number of better deals, the amount of money we’ve left on the table simply because we didn’t think to challenge the dealer fee, the delivery charge, the itemized expense total on the invoice, the recommended retail price… All apparently “fixed;” and all (in reality) negotiable.
Hey! That’s not the way it’s done! You can’t challenge a price sticker! Wanna bet? Try it. Ever so gently… Ask to see the Departmental Manager, apologize for having the temerity to challenge, but; challenge. “Is there a possibility that you’d consider a little less than your stated price in exchange for a cash purchase today?” You’ll be surprised at the response. First, you won’t be thrown out. Second, you may just get something close to what you propose…
The First Rule of Negotiating: “There are no rules!”
It’s a game. Get your best price, and get the other guy to give it to you! If he says yes to your first move, you’ve requested too little!
While many people (in business and out) don’t negotiate anything and live in blissful ignorance of the money they left behind (and the spirited discussions they never had…), a smaller number get into negotiating with a gusto bordering on mania and the mad desire to prove their absolute dominance of the world. These folks are, frankly — no damned fun. If it’s not fun, it’s not a game, and if it’s not a game, why would anyone want to come back and play with you?
So. There are no rules, except perhaps “Win. Get what you want.”
But, there are, of course, Principles. Tested ways of conducting negotiations that lead to repeated and cumulative successes over time. Perhaps the most important of all we’ve discovered; is:
“Leave the other man a place to stand.” (With his pride pretty much intact…)
We think a lot of people would be better off by learning to apply that one as they move into the universe of variable price and variable exchange. It’s one thing to negotiate a deal. But another to realize that there’s no time limit… This is very likely not a one-time, once-only transaction… In all likelihood, you’re going to be back at the table next year — with a guy who remembers how you treated him last time… So make a friend, and make a good deal — for both of you.
Consider the current political climate: Not exactly an arena known for courtly, dignified interactions. And not exactly known for getting a lot done either…Each side seems hell-bent on winning absolutely, and seeing that their opponents lose; again absolutely. A Lose/Lose proposition — for there is no incentive to seek a return match. Perhaps the biggest loss in this way-too-efficient marketplace of ideas is discussion: the willingness to dignify your counterpart by hearing out his point of view.
Union negotiations, political discussions, deals on software, employment contracts — the world is awash in people who must get theirs — now — while presiding over the battlefield as vanquished opponents bind their wounds and slink away to safety. (Also plotting your ultimate downfall…)
Wouldn’t you prefer to make a friend of every supplier, a colleague of every competitor, and a teacher of every counterpart? Isn’t it a more profitable life if every transaction leads to another and another — along with the pleasure of re-connecting? Hey, an able opponent is more fun than a mere purchaser…
Our advice; win small — by leaving the other guy a place to stand. You can Win. But he can win a little too… And he’ll be happy to play again next time — and perhaps a lifetime.
Applications:
1. Individually:
Every acquisition, every interaction, every transaction, every exchange can be a negotiation. Actually they all are, and we’re probably not enjoying the opportunities to the fullest. Find a store, a dealer, a regular transaction; get to the person who can actually make a decision and propose to sweeten his deal a little; in exchange for a little break in return — your heart might be in your throat, but it’s not life or death, is it? Have a little adventure and color outside the lines. See what happens.
2. At Home:
OK. I’ll take out the garbage. Did you mean right this instant? Sure. Whatcha gonna give me? I demand a kiss as payment for early disposal! Aha! A Win/Win negotiation! And more likely to have a pleasant return match! Dad said, “I’ve lost a lot of discussions to your Mother, but I’ve won sixty years of Marriage. Besides, she lets me win the big ones…” Godspeed Dad!
3. At Work:
“Hey Boss. I’m thinking we really need to get the Adams job done a month ahead of deadline… I can do it. It’s gonna shoot my personal life though. OK if I take a long weekend after?”
People content to win small, tend to win often — and cumulatively. So try “Win/Win” Negotiating. And leave the other guy a place to stand.
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